im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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