Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
