If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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