I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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