i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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