I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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