WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Randomize
