I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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