I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
