So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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