I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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