My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish you could order shots online.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
