Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
