I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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