Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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