you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
