Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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