that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
