Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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