I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
