I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
