Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
