Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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