just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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