uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize