Who wears a wallet chain?!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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