Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sorry about my life...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
