Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
