Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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