i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
