I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
