I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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