nut hugger
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize