The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
