so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
