If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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