ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
