he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
