Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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