with your own penis?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
