Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
