Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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