i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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