Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
