The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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