last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
