i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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