can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
