I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
