K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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