that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
