he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
