idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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