Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
