I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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