it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
