You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
