Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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