Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
