can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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