i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
