I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
