Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You pole danced in your parka.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
