I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
