Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
