girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
