I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
