If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
