Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
