She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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