i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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