I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize