She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
