I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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