im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
