Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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