I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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