Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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