That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
