seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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