either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize