I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
