i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
