These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
